I Cleaned My Ass With A Bidet And This Is What Happened

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Not that I needed to, because girls don’t poop or anything.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the bidet, a sink-type fixture (or sometimes just a feature of an otherwise normal toilet) that is used to wash the genitals and/or anus.

Perhaps you've heard of the bidet, a sink-type fixture (or sometimes just a feature of an otherwise normal toilet) that is used to wash the genitals and/or anus.

Does the idea of spraying your private parts with water freak you out? Maybe you've heard of bidets, but deemed them too European for your tastes?

Fear not for I, your brave leader, shall go forth into the land of water and asses. Follow me, my children.

Fox

So how can A GIRL review a bidet? Simple. Girls can use bidets to 'clean lipstick off of their faces.'

(‘Putting on/taking off lipstick’ here is a euphemism for pooping. Please consult the below chart for reference.)

('Putting on/taking off lipstick' here is a euphemism for pooping. Please consult the below chart for reference.)

ThinkStock

If you Google search “Tushy bidet,” you may find some results you weren’t (but should have been) anticipating. I used the Tushy brand bidet; I did NOT watch Tushy anal porn in HD.

If you Google search "Tushy bidet," you may find some results you weren't (but should have been) anticipating. I used the Tushy brand bidet; I did NOT watch Tushy anal porn in HD.

At least not for this article.

Tushy claims that the bidet will be “easier to install than it is to poop,” but this is definitely not true as I have never needed to employ the services of a handyman to help me poop.

There are not many steps, but you have to be good at unscrewing things as well as comfortable fiddling around your toilet, and I am neither of those things. But when I had trouble installing my attachment, I chatted with the people at Tushy, who were extremely helpful, and after a day of online consultation, the Tushy was installed.

google.com

BOTTOM line: Is the bidet a bi-DO or a bi-DON’T?

BOTTOM line: Is the bidet a bi-DO or a bi-DON'T?

Yes, you sASSy bitch, it's a bi-DO. Sure, I would love to try one with warm water, but I also know that would require more installation prowess than I currently possess. So I'll wait.

I will say, however, that if you are an infrequent wearer of lipstick, it might not be worth it. You probably don't use much toilet paper anyway. But, if you have sensitive skin, hemorrhoids, or a child, you could definitely benefit from a bidet. Also, if you enjoy the feeling of water being sprayed up your butthole, you should get one.

Oh fuck, I said butthole.

*sound of the illusion shattering into a million pieces*

Cartoon Network



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